I am 25 today. Twenty-five. This is quite a milestone for me. I've been crying all morning about it ... I don't know why exactly except that it makes me wish I were so many things I'm not. Like perfect. :) When I was in high school I thought I'd be such a wonderful, ideal woman by this time. And I don't mean to diminish all the work I've done to become who I am, because certainly I'm better than I ever have been. I suppose I just imagined change would be easier.
Although, I have to say here since this is my personal journal, that I am very pleased with who I am. I try so hard to do what I know is right. I've been reading my scriptures, praying consistently, and looking for opportunities to serve. Mostly I've been lavishing my husband with service and it's incredible what that has done for our marriage. He treated me like a queen today, and I knew he really meant it. And when he came to me tonight it was more incredible than our love making has ever been. I adore him. Our marriage is the best part of my life, and I hope it isn't idolatrous for me to admit that. But I've always had the gospel and I've always been faithful to it - but I never experienced this kind of happiness.
Another element of my happiness is how readily Heavenly Father has been teaching me through my scripture study. I wrote several things in my study journal this morning and I've been thinking about them all day. I finished the Book of Mormon (it's been a goal of mine to read it once every year of my life since my mission) this morning and from Moroni 8-10 I learned so much about myself. I have a testimony that the scriptures are truly the word of God and they will be spoken to us unto our understanding in each individual moment we read them. I made a resolution to guard against despair by keeping the hope in my heart and moving forward with faith. I realized I needed to listen to the right voice. The adversary sure loves to scream my inadequacies in my ear. But if I use my agency to listen to the still small voice instead I'm much more satisfied with myself and my life. I hope I can teach our children to do that.
