Entwined, by Heather Dixon

I wanted to read something light this time, since Tess was such a huge downer for me. I heard about this book on Goodreads, and since I love YA fiction and I love fairy tale stories I'm hopeful that I'll enjoy it. Here's the synopsis:

Azalea is trapped. Just when she should feel that everything is before her . . . beautiful gowns, dashing suitors, balls filled with dancing . . . it's taken away. All of it.

The Keeper understands. He's trapped, too, held for centuries within the walls of the palace. And so he extends an invitation.

Every night, Azalea and her eleven sisters may step through the enchanted passage in their room to dance in his silver forest.

But there is a cost.

The Keeper likes to keep things.

Azalea may not realize how tangled she is in his web until it is too late.

Let's start talking about it on June 21st. I hope we like it!

Speaking of clergy ...

The question about clergy is my favorite. Or, at least, the one I feel most strongly about. I cannot tolerate the kind of "religion" or "devotion" that causes one person to shun another. Especially another in need. There is nothing Christlike or godly about refusing to help someone.

I remember once in high school a friend of mine mentioned they couldn't believe I was friends with them.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Well, you know ________ ? She would never even talk to me. I figured since you're Mormon too you'd ignore me like she does. But you and I are actually friends."

This made me so mad. I still haven't forgiven that other Mormon girl for being so self-righteous that she made girls like my friend feel like they were beneath her. Whenever I see her that's all I can think about ... the fact that in the name of religion (or said differently, for the sake of Christ?) she shunned someone whose behavior she judged to be unworthy of even polite attention. I should get over it, since it's been over a decade, huh? :)

But who did Jesus spend His time with when He was here? He hung out with sinners! "The whole need not a physician ..." Right? The New Testament is full of His conversations and interactions with prostitutes, social rejects, adulterers, liars, and thieves. It isn't to say He condoned their choices. Obviously He didn't. But  He didn't add His own rejection to their list of misfortunes. He still offered a hand of loving kindness.

That's the biggest thing that bothered me while reading Tess. I felt like Hardy was screaming at the clergy for being hypocritical and missing the whole point of Christianity. The first priest who wouldn't allow Tess' illegitimate child a Christian burial, even after saying her makeshift baptism would be  acceptable in the sight of God. A funeral, however, would not be acceptable in the eyes of the community and was therefore impossible. Clearly Hardy had an opinion about whose opinion mattered most to that Priest. It wasn't God's.

The part of the book that made me cry, though, was when Tess was rejected by her pious love because of her past. I wanted to shake that kid and ask him if he had any idea what the Atonement even is. When we don't allow people to repent, when we treat them as if they are the same sinner they were when they made their mistakes, it's as if we're saying we have no faith in Christ's power to heal and cleanse sins. If someone is penitent, truly trying to get their life back in harmony with God's will, they deserve nothing less than love and support from those who claim to love God. Tess was betrayed for religion's sake, and that makes me sick.

Some of the worst things people do are for religion's sake ... And all I can think is that Heavenly Father watches us and weeps over our lack of understanding. I judge too harshly and expect too much of people in my own life. But I'm learning just how wrong that really is, and it comforts me that God doesn't do those things. Because I'm often the one in need of His understanding and mercy. I think Hardy saw that in people.

my thoughts on Tess

First off, I watched a version of this novel on Masterpiece Classics before I even read the book. I think it was the A&E version? Not sure.  But it was depressing. And kind of graphic. My husband thought I was watching filth. :) I can't blame him when my synopsis of the movie went something like "Well, it's about this girl who gets raped, is cast out by the man she loves, becomes the mistress and subsequent murderer of her rapist, and is eventually hung for her crime." Awful! I have no idea what made me want to read the book after watching the movie (which I did not enjoy at all!).  But I did read the book, and surprisingly I really enjoyed it! I felt like the book was much more a social commentary rather than the graphic soap opera that TV had made it out to be. :)

That being said, I think Alec is an absolute villain.  Perhaps Tess was overly trusting and slightly willfully naive.  But Alec preyed on her and her weaknesses and her disadvantages; there is no excuse for his disgusting behavior. Scum.

Back to Tess. I thought she was sweet, innocent, kind, hard-working, trusting and loving. She had so many good qualities and I kept hoping that some day I will be as patient and long-suffering as she was.  However, Tess was also weak, naive, and easily-manipulated (by Alec, her parents, Angel...).  I wanted to shake some spine into her.  She was definitely strong when it came to self-preservation.  She worked by the sweat of her brow to stay alive.  But she was so very weak when it came to men.  But  I think a lot of her weaknesses were born from the time period- I think in a lot of ways Tess was a helpless victim of her own society.  I definitely feel Hardy was expressing disappointment in the social principles that dominated the time period.  The differences in chastity and purity between men and women of the age was complete hypocrisy.  Angel, knowing what he was doing, spent several nights in debauchery and expected full forgiveness.  Tess, who was forcibly assaulted, was unforgiveable.  It makes me sick.  Thankfully Angel came to his senses but, in the spirit of a true tragedy, it was too late.  Still, it made me so angry that Tess was cast out and reviled for an event which was not in her control while men who willingly participated got a free pass.  I definitely feel that Hardy pointed a finger at the unfairness of it all, at the unbalance and inequality between men and women.  Especially when it comes to the consequences each of them faced for their actions.  I found it really annoying that Alec got to claim repentance and walk around as a traveling "clergyman" preaching the gospel. Gag.  And Tess hangs.

Anyway, I'm interested to know what your thoughts are too!

Physical Spirituality

I think there is a defined correlation between spirituality and the manner with which we treat the tabernacles of our spirits. My spirit is sensitive. In my deepest moments of calm I can almost feel myself breathing against my body, fluttering within my own humanness.

Who is that woman? Who is the woman who fought for the Plan of Salvation before she came to Earth? Who is the woman who made covenants and promises and learned so many things a mortal could not learn? I know her. I am her. And I'm learning to take care of her.

Today I am a mommy. Twice. I'm feeding Chiara red peppers and homemade hummus. She loves it. "More dip? Please?" she calls to me, and I'm at the kitchen table, sewing a car seat cover. I'm eating an apple and taking vitamins with three glasses of water. I'm feeling good and clean.

Sometimes I feel another presence inside me, impatient and sarcastic and selfish. I remind myself that she is not me, that she has no place with me, and I do not let her dictate my behavior.

I am me. I am the queen of my body. I am my spirit. And I will stand between myself and any threat to my peace and holiness. It protects me, and makes me fit to protect my children.