Humbly sinful

Brother Farrell offers some thought-provoking insight into the process of self-justification. He says that because our innate attributes are godly - full of light and truth -- we feel a subconscious need to distort our reality in an effort to retain our claim on some of that goodness within us. We want to be righteous, we want to be good, so we reason with our sins and offer excuses for our behavior that deflect blame. His example is Adam and Eve's reaction to the Lord's discovery of their choice to eat the forbidden fruit. They both blamed another. Farrell says we do the same thing in our lives, and it's that denial of responsibility that creates a hardness in our hearts that doesn't feel a need for a Savior to forgive us. If we don't see ourselves as guilty we don't see Him as a necessary figure in our salvation. What an incredible idea. "Losing sight of our sinfulness, we lose sight of our need for the One who has come to heal the sinner" (23). It's the beginning of turning our hearts away from Him, serving another master, and forgetting who we truly are. I wish I could say I don't do this.

Sarah, Marek Halter

I love the Old Testament. Sometimes I am in awe of what the women went through and other times I'm appalled. I'm trying to understand the times and the culture better so my judgments are fair and accurate. Sarah's is a story that has broken my heart for years. I've never been able to reconcile offering a handmaid to one's husband, but now that I'm married it's especially difficult for me to grasp. I try to look at it as the ultimate symbol of love and trust - love for a husband and trust in his love. It also suggests the extreme importance and blessing of children. I doubt there are women who would care so much in our day whether their husbands became fathers. But there enters also the role of the covenant and promise of the Lord that Abram (I almost typed Eldon) would have a numerous posterity. Putting aside my ignorance and criticism, I love Sarah. I've always loved her. And I love Abraham, knowing he must deserve her.

Royal Target, Tracy Hunter Abramson

I'm reading this for one of my book clubs. I'm actually really enjoying it. The author was in the CIA for a while before she started writing, so she knows a lot about the subject matter. I love reading books when I can tell the author has first-hand experience. It really bothers me when they write about something they read in a book or online and the information is superficial and unreliable. That's how I wrote a lot of my essays in college, and it always bothered me that I didn't know more. Things like that shouldn't be published.

Now that I've finished the book I can say I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was clean and engaging and I always looked forward to my reading time. I'd recommend it to anyone looking for an easy, fun read.

I want a different kind of year this year ...

I've decided to become a runner. I know. What's happened to me? I've never liked to run because of the muscle disorder I've had since I was little. Running just always hurt me. But now I think one of two things could happen, both of which I can deal with. One, my muscles continue to hurt when I run. Two, I find out I can condition them not to hurt when I run. Either way I'll be okay. So why not?

I went to www.runnersworld.com for some guidance. I found a little smart coach feature that will custom fit a schedule for your particular fitness level and motivation. By the end of the year I want to run a half marathon. I've looked around and can't find an official run in the Bay Area around Christmas time, so it might just be a route I make up and have my family cheering for me at the end. :)

There are so many motivations for being healthy, thin, or whatever else our goals might be. I don't just want ot be cuter (although that will be great). I don't just want to be more confident. I don't just want to prove to myself I can do something really, really hard. I want to bring my body and spirit into a kind of harmony they've never experienced before. I want my spirit to make the decisions and my body to glorify them. Does that make sense? I want my entire soul to be healthy.

So here goes ... something!

Birthday Goals!

I made a goal to read one Bible-centered non-fiction book a month this year. I'm starting with Misquoting Jesus by Bart Ehrman. Actually, here's the list of a few I want to get through this year. And I'm only doing one a month so I can read it thoroughly and mark up my scriptures accordingly. I'm really struggling with a method to record/organize all the things I'll be learning. It's hard for a perfectionist like me to get going sometimes. It's rather irritating. :)

• Misquoting Jesus, Bart D. Ehrman
• Women of the Old Testament, Camille Fronk Olson
• The Hidden Christ, James L. Farrell
• Adam Eve and the Serpent, Elaine Pagels
• Jesus Christ and the World of the New Testament, Richard Neitzel Holzapfel

Those are the ones I'll be reading for sure, and there are many others to choose between. I just want so badly to understand the culture and world of the Bible. I think I'm going to restrict my fiction to biblical fiction as well. Thank goodness for libraries! :)

Birthday Goals

It's that time again:

BODY

1. 1200 calories a day
2. 100 ounces of water
3. very little sugar
4. no eating after 9 pm on worknights, 6 pm on weekends
5. daily walks/jogs (with Chiara?)

MIND

1. one fun book a week (roughly)
2. one non-fiction book a month
3. at least 4 journal entries a week
4. WRITE something once a week
5. scrapbook on Saturdays

SPIRIT

1. one hour of scripture study daily
2. lessons once a week (on topics of choice)
3. prayer on knees alone and with Eldon
4. one act of service a week (daily for Eldon, of course)
5. hold Chiara more ... play with her!

Wizard's Castle, Diana Wynne Jones

I love children's lit. I love magic and fantasy. Sophie has won my heart with her spunk and her compassion. I worry that she's a little bit of a rebellious example, but I'm sure she'll redeem herself in the end. We'll see ...

I'm guessing the falls in love with Howl. Or, perhaps I should say that he falls in love with her.

I was right. They realize they're meant for each other on the last page. :) What a cute little story. A bit confusing at times, but definitely a great read for kids. I'm excited to read this aloud!