- I was such an idiot. I hope I'm less of one now.
Actually, I guess that first one just kind of sums it up. Through all the challenges I've faced, and the ones I'm facing now, I can hardly believe how much I've changed and how many lessons I've learned.
When I was 15 it was such a big deal to me fit into tiny jeans. Now it's still important (to eventually get back into tiny jeans, I mean) but it's not how I define myself. When I was 15 it was.
When I was 17 I was quick to judge people for the choices I watched them make. Now I spend mental energy hoping they are happy, and I love them just as much - sometimes more - because of the choices I don't agree with.
When I was 21 I was the careless steward of a heart that had been given to me. Now my behavior reflects a deep reverence for the feelings, hopes, and well-being of others.
When I was 23 I didn't understand how people could not have any desire to pray or learn about God. Now I do.
When I was 25 I thought my life was over. Now I realize I was just selfish.
When I was 27 I had a crisis of faith. Now I have mended and even improved my relationship with my God.
When I was 29 I retreated from the world and hid inside a deep dark depression, and I hated myself for it. Now I forgive myself more easily, and I applaud the depressed wife and mother of two I was for not giving up when she really, really wanted to.
I'm almost 31 now. I give up too easily on my goals, I yell at my kids sometimes, and I don't always use my time wisely. But I've learned things about faith and hope I never even knew I didn't know. I have every confidence that if I can just manage to stay on the Potter's wheel, the Lord will teach me and help me become a lovely, sweet, holy woman. And looking back at the different stages of my life I see He has already made a lot of progress with me.
I'm happy about that.
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