Remembering a NICU moment

Something happened in the hospital that I wanted to write here. When Chiara was breathing better and the nurses and doctors felt she'd be okay without the oxygen machine they wanted me to start nursing her. It was hard in such a setting, but there was no other way. She needed to drink 200ml within every 12-hour period in order to have her feeding tube removed, gain weight and come home with us. Some nights I'd just cry because I couldn't make her drink more than just a few ml each time and it seemed like she'd never be able to come home. I'd stare at our empty crib and pray for help and strength. One particular night I wept as I told Heavenly Father that all I wanted was for her to come hom, but I couldn't make her nurse. She had to do it on her own and I felt helpless. In that moment of grief my mind became a little clearer and I felt Him say to me, "I know, Shelli. I know how it feels to yearn for a child to come home and be unable to make their choices for them. That aspect of parenting does not belong solely to mortality ... You will feel it here too." I opened my eyes in awe and surprise and suddenly I was grateful for this trial and for the lesson it taught me about the nature of God. I'd not thought before how painful His life must be sometimes. I resolved not to hurt Him by my own wrong choices but to bring Him as much joy through my own willful obedience as I possibly could.