Praying on my knees

I prayed on my knees for the first time in months today. Once I got to a certain point in my pregnancy it was just too painful, and then after Chiara was born I've been dealing with a new kind of pain. But tonight it felt good to kneel beside my husband and speak to God. we always pray in Italian too ... It's a good time of day.

This has been a period of a lot of changes for me, now that I think about it. last night at around midnight Chiara was crying and I didn't know what to do to console her. I was lying in bed, hearing her fuss, and the thought came to me that I should start wearing my garments again. With the complicated delivery I received a lot of stitches, and it's been a slow healing process. I have ointments and sprays and medicated patches to use, and when I wore my garments not only did they get terribly stained, but I didn't feel like my body received enough air. Sometimes I wished I could just go around the house naked -- it was so painful. So I received the prompting, and recognizing the source I resolved to start again in the morning. "No, now." I felt the voice say."But," I argued. "It won't matter to me if I wait until morning." I'd had a long day and I was not anxious to get back out of bed ... again. "It will matter to her." I thought I felt the voice tell me. Confused, but unable to to shake the feeling, I got out of bed, grabbed a pair of garments from my drawer, and made my way groggily to the bathroom, Chiara's soft cries ringing in my ears.

I don't mean to be dramatic, nor is it my intent to downplay what happened. All I know is that as soon as I'd put my garments on Chiara stopped crying. I was amazed. I'd even had the thought on my way to the bathroom, "What, will she just fall asleep as soon as I put these on?" But she did.

I've thought a lot about what happened and this is my conclusion: I'd felt the promptings to wear my garments many times in the last few weeks. But I seemed to always to find a justification not to listen. But as soon as He used Chiara as an incentive it got my attention enough for me to change. I think Father does that sometimes ... He takes your heart to a hard, lonely place to help you listen, to hear, and to repent. Even if that's not true for anyone else it was true for me last night. I'll never forget it.