Church and a chat

I was in a cranky mood today. I hardly slept last night because I was so upset with my life and with Eldon that my mind wouldn't stop churning. Sundays are hard days anyway because it's hard for Chiara to be away from home and around so many people for such a long time. She gets wired because she can't sleep at church and then she crashes hard afterward, which means it throws off the night schedule a little too. Uugh.

Anyway, I was grouchy and Eldon and I had a little chat on the couch. I'm so critical of him sometimes. I basically told him he was selfish and that he shouldn't have gotten married if he didn't plan on working at it. He just got silent for a while and then said, "I'm so tired of being the bad guy." "Do you think I heap too much blame on you?" I asked. "No." he said, with a sad smile. Poor thing.

We hardly ever even talk these days. We're both so stressed and tired and overwhelmed with busy life that we don't have time for each other. He and I agree that we need to change that. I spent my whole shift tonight reading my scriptures and studying marriage and I'm so happy and hopeful right now I can't wait to talk to him about what I learned. He is a good, good man. Despite whatever weaknesses he (and I) have.