My mom once joked that her natural woman was a BIG woman. :) I laugh about that even now, years later, but I can't help but empathize with the feeling. Today this girl that I struggle to even look at without disdain (I know ... it's terrible) bore her testimony and after the meeting sought me out and said, "I saw you looking at me during my testimony. I hope my words touched you." It was so awkward. I just smiled. What else could I do? Words were out of the question. Then she asked when I was due and said, "Oh, is she kicking? Can I feel it?" and proceeded to put her hand on my stomach. Yuck. Way to invade my space bubble. I think I spoke kindly as I said she wasn't kicking yet and made some general comment about how excited I was to finally hold my baby. I couldn't leave fast enough. And there was Eldon, who knows I don't like her, standing to the side and looking at me while waiting for me to come to gospel doctrine with him.
I doubt Marjorie Hinckley had journal entries like this, but I have to be honest here. Sometimes I do not have Christlike feelings toward people. This girl absolutely drives me nuts. I'm so uncomfortable around her my skin crawls. I need to change my heart. I know she's a good person, and certainly worthy of love and friendship (because everyone is). Somehow I just need to develop enough charity to truly love people like her.
The ironic thing is that I felt this past month (Dec. 2007) that she and her husband needed financial help. So, I returned the Christmas presents I'd gotten myself (fabric to make Chiara a couple blankets and a paper cutter for my scrapbooking) at a HUGE sale at Joann Fabrics and Eldon and I gave that money to the bishop for them. It wasn't hard for me to do because I was doing it for Him. I felt the prompting and only cringed a little as I handed my darling fabric back to the lady helping me with the return. But I didn't do it for her ... and I wish I had. Somehow in my heart I need to find a way to do things not only for my love of the Lord but also out of love for His children. Can I really love the Lord if I don't love my neighbor? Probably not. At least not entirely. This will be something I strive to understand and become in the next months. I hope to be able to record later this year that this girl and I are friends.
I have so many things to work on, but how grateful I am to know the Lord will help me. And my sweet husband is so supportive. Eldon and I have never been happier together. We laugh and play and kiss and tease all the time. Our first year of marriage was full of hard moments, but we worked through them. I think the closeness we have now, the depth of our relationship, is due largely to the absolute dedication we demonstrated through those harder times. I'm so grateful for covenants, for hope, and for a Father in Heaven who watches over us and our marriage. I feel confident to receive Chiara next month, knowing that Eldon's and my love for each other will offer her such a warm and safe home. Our home is full of light, and I think she'll be happy here.
I doubt Marjorie Hinckley had journal entries like this, but I have to be honest here. Sometimes I do not have Christlike feelings toward people. This girl absolutely drives me nuts. I'm so uncomfortable around her my skin crawls. I need to change my heart. I know she's a good person, and certainly worthy of love and friendship (because everyone is). Somehow I just need to develop enough charity to truly love people like her.
The ironic thing is that I felt this past month (Dec. 2007) that she and her husband needed financial help. So, I returned the Christmas presents I'd gotten myself (fabric to make Chiara a couple blankets and a paper cutter for my scrapbooking) at a HUGE sale at Joann Fabrics and Eldon and I gave that money to the bishop for them. It wasn't hard for me to do because I was doing it for Him. I felt the prompting and only cringed a little as I handed my darling fabric back to the lady helping me with the return. But I didn't do it for her ... and I wish I had. Somehow in my heart I need to find a way to do things not only for my love of the Lord but also out of love for His children. Can I really love the Lord if I don't love my neighbor? Probably not. At least not entirely. This will be something I strive to understand and become in the next months. I hope to be able to record later this year that this girl and I are friends.
I have so many things to work on, but how grateful I am to know the Lord will help me. And my sweet husband is so supportive. Eldon and I have never been happier together. We laugh and play and kiss and tease all the time. Our first year of marriage was full of hard moments, but we worked through them. I think the closeness we have now, the depth of our relationship, is due largely to the absolute dedication we demonstrated through those harder times. I'm so grateful for covenants, for hope, and for a Father in Heaven who watches over us and our marriage. I feel confident to receive Chiara next month, knowing that Eldon's and my love for each other will offer her such a warm and safe home. Our home is full of light, and I think she'll be happy here.
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