Chiara on my mind...

I'm just thinking of Chiara and how it's going to be to finally hold her ... after all this time. I don't just mean after all these months of pregnancy, I mean after all these years of yearning to be a mother and wanting to have children almost more than I wanted anything else in my life. I was telling Eldon the other night that wanting to be a mother came so naturally to me growing up that I had to really focus my attention on becoming a woman who would be a good wife. I knew being a wife came first, and that it was the most important relationship in my life, but it took a little more conscious effort to pursue than the desire for children. I'm not sure why that is.

But as I sit here, 9 days from our due date, sore and huge, I'm just so grateful for the chance I have to be a mother. It's interesting that my absolute love and joy of being a wife to such a good man has increased my desire for children and added to my faith that raising them in this world is possible. I'd had such a limited view of what parenting would be before I got married. I am a different woman after this last year of marriage, and I'll be a different mother too. Being Eldon's wife has cast a glow on my mothering dream in a way I can't describe ... and won't describe. I just hope that my own daughters will find such a man to accompany them through parenthood. He's more than I ever imagined a husband could be for me.